Saturday, June 18, 2011

Convalescent Stabbing: Both Women Claim "My Great-Grandchild's The Cutest"

Sun Valley:  Ethel Finster and Gladys Walker were involved in an altercation that ended in both needing stitches at Washington General.  Finster, 94, is in stable condition and Walker, 93, returned to the home later that evening. 

As she was being wheeled out to the van to take her back to Shady Acres Walker called out, "You got nothin!  Enjoy your stay you old bitty!"  Finster responded with what some might call a freeway gesture and called out, "Say hi to that hamster you call a great-grandchild you loon!" 

John Stegard, director of Shady Acres, claims that trouble has been brewing for some time now.  "We have the usual gangs and cliques associated with groups of people but as far as I knew neither of these ladies was associated with the Gray Ghosts, the gang that controls the block from therapy to the west corridor.  The Silver Scooters have claimed no responsibility in this incident.  They control from dining all the way to the southern corridor.  As far as I know this incident was not gang related and the tattoos these women have do not indicate gang memberships." 

An orderly who spoke on condition of anonymity claimed that both Walker and Finster talked big and liked to flash their homemade knives around but neither had actually gone so far as to actually use them.  "I thought they both were just big talkers.  I mean neither one wanted to take part in the weekly grudge match that we have here.  I put money on that Stella from 393.  She has issues.  I guess I lost five bucks."

Apparently the breaking point was when both women received cards with pictures.  While showing off the pictures in the courtyard, ordinarily neutral territory, both women made the "mine is the cutest" claim.  Both women have been banned from arts and crafts and need to enroll in anger management classes at the home.  "I hope this ends well," stated Stegard, "but I don't know.  The woman who runs the anger class was just showing me a picture of her grandchild and he is darn cute."

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