Area Man Searches House For Glasses. Discovers Them On His Face

Fremont:  Jeff Garrett was nearly frantic for a full forty minutes early Wednesday morning while trying to "find his darn glasses!"  Garrett, who is no stranger to misplacing things, was heard to say, "If I find the person who hid my glasses I will make their life miserable!"  After locating his glasses, almost literally right under his nose, Garrett remarked, "I'm a man of my word.  I guess I have to start making my life miserable."  It was unclear how Jeff thought he might begin to do that but his initial thought was to show up late for work so he could get yelled at for being a slacker.  If that merely makes his life less pleasant then he will have to become more creative to make it truly miserable.  Further speculation indicates that he might start mouthing off to people who are obviously stronger than him but he wants to see how the going to work late thing turns out first.

When asked if this has ever happened before Garrett stated, "Sure it happens all the time." 

Garrett would like to thank his family, friends, and the community for their support during this difficult time but cannot figure out why they didn't just tell him where his glasses were instead of laughing and shaking their heads in disbelief.  Channel 6 was in the beginning stages of organizing a telethon raising money for a search party to be sent into his house.  "It was really helpful for the search party to come in when I was looking for that really cool pitcher that I use to make orange juice.  Who knew it was in the one cabinet to the left!?"  The benefit concert by Bono has been recommitted to Mitchell Jones who thinks he left his good windbreaker at the movie theater.  More details to come.